Dear Opal "Magic" Sock,
Why are you so fugly? I'm putting a lot of tender loving care into knitting you, and you repay me by turning into this horrible thing. You look like a Venus Fly Trap ate a whole mess of bees and then regurgitated them onto my needles.
You look slightly cuter in this listing, but the picture is very small. How was I supposed to know what you look like close up? You're like those people on Yahoo! Personals who post pictures of themselves so tiny that no one can tell what they really look like. Not that I've ever used Yahoo! Personals. But I feel you were a little deceptive. You led me to believe you were cute (or at least presentable) when in reality you are barfed-up bees.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so shallow. Maybe all that matters is that you'll keep my feet warm this winter. Goodness knows I dated a man or two for lesser reasons. I guess I'll give you a second chance. If I still find you unappealing, I can always wear you in the dark.
Yours in mingled anticipation and disappointment,
A knitter.
